Rules:
On randompokemon.com,  generate one Pokemon for each of these answers. [link]

1. This Pokémon will cook for you for the rest of your life:
Lanturn

You don't have arms.
You better be letting me make sushi out of you or something because this relationship is not working.

2. This Pokémon hates you a lot:
Pignite

Oooh, burn.
*Badum tsssh*

3. You share your bed with this Pokémon:
Lunatone

It can sleep UNDER MY PILLOWS because I am not letting that thing poke my eyes out in my asleep.

4. This Pokémon will sit on your lap when you are on the computer:
Dragonite

HECK YEAH
Get on my lap right now you cutie

5. This Pokémon is madly obsessed with you in a creepy/romantic manner:
Alomomola

Let me just try to read your name for a minute.
Aloma.
Almomomoa
Alowoma.
Alowhatzit.
THIS IS NOT WORTH THE EFFORT.

6. This Pokémon will join your team and stay in it forever:
Duskull

SURE

7. This Pokemon will kill you slowly and painfully:
Hitmonchan

It's probably torturing me to death for a mob boss who wants information.
That's a pretty boss way to die.
Also, I named most of you guys as accomplices before I croaked.

8. This Pokemon has a mother complex and will cling to you all the time:
Riolu.

You are an individual pokemon who needs to stand on their own two paws. You can't stay in the nest/cave/box/whatever forever little Riolu. One day you're going to have a really boss spike growing out of your chest, but only if you strive for it.

But for now
COME HERE COME TO MOMMY

9. This Pokemon would risk its life to save you from any danger:
Omanyte

Riolu: We never found anything on Omanyte... there's no record of him at all.

: No, there wouldn't be, would there? And I've never spoken of him until now... Not to anyone... Not even Lunatone... A woman's heart is a dark cave full of zubats and secrets... But now you know there was pokemon named Omanyte and that he saved me... in every way that a person can be saved. I don't even have a picture of him. He exists now... Only in my storage box.

"I'll never let go, Omanyte, I'll never let go.... But you have so many tentacles..!"

11. This Pokemon secretly wants to cuddle with you:
Larvesta
Your ability is flame body.

FOR ARCEUS SAKE LARVESTA, YOU'RE ON FIRE.

12. This Pokemon is a spy:
Lanturn

I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON BEHIND THIS.
YOU'RE A TERRIBLE COOK.

13. This Pokemon wishes you were never born:
Camerupt

I'm sorry for reloading all those times and beating you over and over again BUT I REALLY WANT THAT ENTEI SO GET OVER IT.

14. This Pokemon eats everything you make:
Bronzong

Well it is a bringer of harvests so I guess it's entitled to some food.
Except it has no mouth.
TAKE THAT BRONZONG

15. This Pokemon forgets you exist sometimes:
Rattata

Well sure, right 'til I come back to my mom's house for a visit with my LEVEL 100 POLIWRATH

16. This Pokemon wants your body.
Tentacool


THIS IS WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS.

17. This Pokemon knows where you live.
Misdreavus

I know who I'm gonna call...
*Ghost busters theme plays*

19. This Pokemon is your long lost brother/sister.
Larvesta

YOU'RE ON FIRE.
COME ON, LARVESTA.
JUST STOP TRYING.

20. This Pokemon dreams about you every night.
Machoke

/screams//

21. This Pokemon will marry you in the future.
Yamask

My husband dies and becomes a pokemon.
...
THEN WE BEAT THE ELITE FOUR TOGETHER YEEEEAAAAAH

22. This Pokemon is you in a different life.
Gastly

This makes sense...

23. This Pokemon is your ex and he/she cries over you every day.
Seel

I actually dumped a dewgong from my Water monotype team.

24. This Pokemon is your future child.
Mime Jr.

Wait.... YAMASK WAS A MR. MIME BEFORE HE DIED?!
I have terrible taste in men.

25. This Pokemon has a better singing voice than you, and they brag about it all the time.
Herdier

Oh it's ON
/howls at moon//

26. This Pokemon has cut off one of your strands of hair and worshipped it for many years.
Smoochum

Do you know where Smoochum go? The "special" box. Do you know what the special box is? No? Good.

27. This Pokemon is racist to you and makes fun of your skin color.
Sentret

Ugh, can't expect any better from normal types.

28. This Pokemon would catch a grenade for you.
Unfezant
Well considering you have no arms and what looks like a weird pink bra on your head...

29. This Pokemon was your mom's ex boyfriend in college.
Marshtomp

I am okay with this.

30. This Pokemon is that one idiot that trolled you about your art.
Foongus

Well that explains all the typos.

31. This Pokemon is a stripper and wants to meet you.
Wailord

/chokes//

32. This Pokemon bought you that Snuggie on your birthday.
Clamperl

It bought it for me, in hopes I could enjoy what it never could.

I shall wear it for you, Clamperl. For you.

33. This Pokemon wants to ruin your wedding.
Rapidash

IT KILLED MR. MIME

34. This Pokemon wants to have your babies.
Carnivine

Again, wrong on many levels.

35. This Pokemon writes love letters to you but can't afford stamps so you never get them.
Gothitelle

It was all emo poetry anyway. LAME.

36. This Pokemon stalks you on the internet.
Lugia

D'awwww, thanks! I dig your work too

37. This Pokemon talks about you behind your back.
Gigalith

Well that's because YOU'RE A ROCK

38. This Pokemon works at the car dealership where you will get/ you got your first car.
Zweilous

You two faced Rattata! /SHOT//

39. This Pokemon wants to/ wanted to go to prom with you.
Umbreon

He thinks he's so hot TOO BAD, I'M GOING WITH MR. MIME.

I'm actually starting to like this mime

40. This Pokemon lives under your bed.
Squirtle

/crawls under bed//

41. This Pokemon smokes in your driveway when you're not home.
Petilil

/sprinkles herbicide around//

42. This Pokemon got into your internet connection and used your wifi.
Carnivine

AGAIN, with the creepy Carnivine! You're with Tentcaool aren't you?!

43. This Pokemon is your best friend's REAL best friend.
Ho-oh.

I don't blame you.

I'll just go hang out with LUGIA! It likes my art! :icondivaplz;

44. This Pokemon sings Red Solo Cup to you as a lullaby.
Keledo

..K...Keledo... I knew these legendaries weren't all they cracked up to be.

45. This Pokemon TP'd you while you were away.
Butterfree

DARN STRING SHOT

46. This Pokemon wants to be you.
Slaking

But we already have so much in common!

47. This Pokemon really likes you and thinks the world of you but his/her mother is forcing them to marry some idiot.
Axew

<flashback>Axew, Rapidash really loves you. Give him a chance. Anyway, if you reject him, he'll probably burn down my wedding and kill my groom.</flashback>

48. This Pokemon knows your credit card number. (if you don't have a credit card just pretend you do)
Mismagius

Look ma'am! Your problem is with the Ghostbusters! Leave me alone!

49. This Pokemon killed itself when you left it.
Aerodactyl

And then he went extinct.

Arceus darn it.

50. This Pokemon wants you to tag 5 people.
Kriketune
FAT CHANCE

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